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Monday, July 9, 2012

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted

Family Raz went on a mini-vacation this weekend. We went to Kansas City. Here are some musings and observations from the past weekend:

  • Within minutes of our road trip, the kids wanted to break out the new books, toys, etc. that we had designated for the road trip. Me telling them that "when I was a kid" fell on deaf ears. Fast.
  • The iPad is the greatest invention of all time in terms of kids and road trips. 
  • TIP: Find a movie that both kids can agree on for the ride down. 
  • Half of a Dramamine can do wonders to settle arguments in the back seat of the car. Yeah, I drugged my kid. Don't judge.
  • Our hotel was in a suburb of KC and it was a high-rise (for lack of a better term). 18 floors high and the kids wanted to be on floor 18. Request: granted. Thank you Doubletree!
  • Um, Doubletree's cookies? Could've lived off of those for the entire trip. I'm sure my youngest had a nut allergy, so I ate his. Just in case. Can't be too careful when you're away from home.
  • There are some things you take for granted when you're older. One thing is Elevator Etiquette. Our kids were so excited to jettison to the top floor that they tended to run into/out of the elevator when the doors would open. Slow down there, Speedy McSpeederson. Fortunately, we didn't get many dirty looks. More of the "Been There, Done That" look from parents that were there for a national baseball tournament.
  • Speaking of which, I don't think I want my kids to be in any select sports. The look on these parents' faces were that of "When the **** is the season over? What city am I in right now?" No thank you.
  • I used Yelp, Google Reviews, a bit when finding places for our trip. If I just went off of the reviews, you'd think I had stepped into a hell hole every place we went. Seriously, it's a venue for them to bitch about their experience, no matter how bizarre. Example - "I am very sensitive to noise, so I was glad the staff was able to accommodate my request to not be facing the freeway or the major street." I want to hang with this guy after 10pm. We were at LEAST 5 blocks away from the expressway. At least.  
  • I'm heartened by the fact that my kids enjoyed their time at the Barnes and Noble in Country Club Plaza as much as they did LegoLand. Yes, we could've saved time and money going to our B&N 2 miles away from our house, but this one had ESCALATORS!
  • We went to a restaurant where a toy train travels above you and it delivers your food. Pretty cool, but I didn't know how much to tip a toy train.
  • Speaking of Legoland, think you could maybe add a floor of Lego excitement? For that type of money, you might want to consider it. That, or maybe starting our "journey" with one functioning elevator for hundreds of overheated, tired parents and overstimulated kids might not be the best foot forward.
  • Kansas City has the best BBQ. The Best. No, I haven't been to Memphis (yet) and Texas can just suck it.
  • Schliterbahn Water Park. "Guess Where We Are!" or "We Charge So Much Because We're Eventually Going to Get Sued!" Like the new slogans? You'll be seeing them soon. Very soon. It's a matter of time.
  • The MapQuest chick and I have broken up. Left hand turns do NOT equal U-Turns. Fortunately, my backup chick, the one I married, was MUCH more reliable.
All said, it was a fun trip. As with any trip, we all just wanted to get home so we could spend more time with one another....just in different rooms on different floors. Next year? Oh God, give me a couple of months recovery time before we discuss next year.

*Running Note - I'm back at it tomorrow. This week will tell me if I'm ready to go for this marathon. I'm hoping after one week of rest that it is. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Would Mr. Inspiration Please Come to Customer Service?

This usually pithy and, let's be honest, hilarious blog is temporarily being hijacked for me being pissy and mopey.

For the first time of wanting to run another marathon, I have no motivation to train for it. None.

First off, I'm injured...well, slightly injured. I mean, I know it's plantar fasciitis, now it's just a matter of how I deal with it.

Secondly, it's hot. Yeah, it's Satan's Ass Crack hot everywhere, but I hate....hate...the heat with the energy of 5000 suns (irony!).

Thirdly, but no less important, is that I just don't want to do it right now. I had a 10 miler scheduled this weekend, and I had no desire to get to double digits. Don't know why, just didn't.

Usually, at 10 miles, I start eating before going out on the run. Yeah, I know about fuel, glycogen, hydration, blah blah blah. At 5am, though, all I want to do is grab a glass of water and go. None of this waffle with peanut butter or banana or yogurt crap. That, and I should probably consider some sort of hydration in this weather. That would mean a hydration belt, having that slosh around, blah blah blah.

I have tried finding Inspiration. He's just not showing up right now.
  • I tried posting on Twitter. No deal. Granted, there were some comments that, on most days, would've gotten me out on the road.
  • My running buddy, XC2. Usually, she's there to bitch and moan and pick me up. Apparently, though, she has her own life filled with stuff not dealing with my issues.. Typical. 
  • Friends that enjoy running, but don't enjoy running. If that makes any sense. The exception to that is the Running Club that I'm in. It's more social than training, but it does get me out on the road. Forward progress, right?
So where does that leave me? I'm shutting it down for one week. Rest my foot, evaluate whether or not I REALLY want to do this marathon and get back at it regardless next Monday. 

Feel free to chastise, motivate, chide, etc. I need it.

Friday, June 22, 2012


Remember SSTIFYs? Song Stuck In my head FridaYs? Me neither. This is has been in my head yesterday and today. Well, the Kidz Bop version has. God forbid my kids hear any type of explicit lyrics. Have a great weekend everyone. I'm preparing myself for Kid 2's birthday party.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Like This Run

"Raz. You. Are. A. Badass."
"You have run 1 point zero miles. Time? 8 minutes 15 seconds. Average pace: 8 minutes 13 seconds. Current pace: 11 minutes and 13 seconds. Pick it up, you slack ass."

Thank you Runkeeper Chick. Thank you. Thank you for getting me back out on the road. Funny enough, it was her stilted, slightly east coast accent that has gotten me on the road for most of my runs. Why?

Because gadgets are cool.

I suppose getting back on the road because of an app is pretty stupid. Well, we know who we're dealing with, right?

Not only that, but my friends on Facebook and Twitter are getting out there as well. Oh, John went 6.68 miles per CardioTrainer this morning. Well, then. Let me just "like" his status and then I'll get my ass out there and go 6.69 (giggle).

The running purist in me should be saying "You should be running for the love of the sport. The thrill of getting out on the road, pushing your body to the limits, blah blah blah blah." I just want people to be impressed by the fact that I did a tempo the summer. I might as well just put "badass" into my Facebook/Twitter profile.

Like THAT, punk.

The question I ask (besides "could you get any better looking?" Answer: no) is "how much is too much?" Should I post every time I run? I don't know. Maybe I'll just post the long runs. No one really cares about a 3 mile tempo run.

I know what most people are thinking, "Just let me enjoy some coffee, a 10-15 30-45 minute timesuck and, if the mood strikes, I'll like your run, OK?" That's fine. I'm OK with that.

Am I shameless? Hell yeah. There are some positives, though. I'd like to think that I use my social media for good, too. This past fall, I noticed that a lot of high school journalism teachers tweeted about their running. Long story short, I got the ball rolling on a social running group with the hashtag, #runningondeadline. Get it? Running? Deadline? Might have to put "funny as hell" on my profile too.

*most of this post was written as I'm coming off of some dental work. I doubt it has any effect on my writing. It's still the same incoherent s**t that you're used to. I think the gas and the novacaine are wearing off now. And my tongue feels like a piece of tenderized meat. Not good.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Aisle Three

"Irv, I wasn't even in aisle three!" - Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom
Now that school's out, I've been Mr. Mom. And, rather than start a parenting blog and maybe breathing some new life into this blog, I've decided to start a new segment. We'll call it Aisle Three. Everyone OK with that? Judging from the lack of comments, I'm sure you're all content with my writing because it's just that good. Here goes:

My kids are awesome.

At least that’s what I’ve been told.

To be fair, they are good kids. I love them with all my heart, unconditionally, etc. etc.

Sometimes, though, I may I may love them even a little more when they’re in separate corners.

Let me give you an example: When I can, I like to pick up my daughter from school.
Once in awhile, her teacher will tell me,  “(child’s name) is doing great in school. She is such a joy and a blessing.”

It takes every fiber of my being to stifle outright laughter at the “blessing” comment, but whatever.

So when she’s throwing a Hall of Fame hissyfit at home, she’s a” blessing”? Is that the word we’re going to use for that?

After The Blessing is buckled up, I go and pick up my 4 year old.

“Oh, he was just perfect today. Just perfect.”, she says.

Again, more stifling.

Yeah, he’s “perfect” when he’s at church and he has put his head in his lunchbox and zipped it up because he’s so angry with me. Just perfect.

While I’m chatting with the sitter, I let Blessing and Perfect go and get into the car. I like to call my car “The Octagon” because this is where most of the fighting happens. I’m convinced that, after lunch, both of my kids work on a fight plan for the Octagon after school. Whether I arrive at the car 5 seconds or 5 minutes after they get in, someone is crying. If it’s an especially lively day, both of them are crying. Essentially, what they’re saying to each other is: It’s on.

Like I said, I love my kids. I just have to realize that they’re usually better kids when one of them is at their grandparents’ or at their friend’s house on a play date. When that happens, it’s a win-win for my wife and I. They’re a Blessing and/or Perfect there and the other is the same at our house. Seriously.

If one of them is away, whether it’s across the street or in another state, the other one is a cherub.

ME: Could you pick up your toys in the family room?
BLESSED: Sure. After that, can you get the vacuum out, daddy?
ME: Uh, sure.
BLESSED: After that, can you get out the ladder so I can clean out the gutters?
ME: Absolutely!

OK, that last part wasn’t true. The ladder was buried in the garage and I didn’t want to get it out.

But, really…how does this happen? I know they love each other. I’ve seen it and it’s documented in pictures and on video. Granted I don’t have a lot of documentation, but I do have some.

Oddly enough, my wife and I are still waiting for the perfect storm when both of them have sleepovers on the same night. I don’t know what my wife and I will do if/when that ever happens. Maybe I’ll work on getting the blood and pulled hair out of the back seat.