I'm hoping that this post keeps me from going crazy sitting at my table for 8 hours (4 tonight, 4 tomorrow).
(cue Brent Musberger and the ABC Sports crew. Aerial shot of high school.)
Brent: And we're coming at you live from the heartland of America for tonight's round one matchup of the teachers and the parents! Good evening everyone and Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm Brent Musberger. The teachers come into this matchup with an sense of contractual obligation. Most have done this before and they know how to pace themselves. Remember folks, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
Dan Fouts: That's right Brent. You don't want to read your bookmarked blogs online too fast and you have GOT to space out grading papers in between meetings. It's quite a strategy to get through the 8 hours.
Brent: On the other side are the parents. Keith Jackson, what's going through their minds right now.
Keith: Whoa nellie, Brent! The pig's outta the barn and there's gonna be some shovelin' tonight!
Brent: I have no idea what that meant. Let's go down to sideline reporter, Jack Arute for the latest, Jack?
Jack: With us here today is Broadcast Adviser Raz Z. Doodle. Raz, what is going through your mind right now.
Raz: Well, Jack, with my seniors cashing it in, it's time for me to focus on my sophomores and juniors. Most are good kids and the ones that need to come in for a conference won't, so it'll be a lot of blog reading and doing some research on nursing a sore IT band, Jack.
Jack: Inspiring words. Back to you Brent.
Brent: Inspiring, indeed. Anything else to add, Keith?
Keith: Good golly, the horse is buckin' and no one's standing behind her!
Brent: When we come back, we'll have the matchup: Teachers! Parents! Live on ABC Sports!
Pregame - It's St. Paddy's Day and it's 38 degrees and raining. Do you really think there will be that many people?If we're lucky, we'll see some drunk, wet parents. Here's hoping.
5:00pm - I've got my cookie, Diet Pepsi, and Milky Way minis. Let's do some conferencing!!!!
I'm watching parents come through the door, praying that they don't want to talk to me. I can't be bothered. I have so me serious blogging to do.
5:02pm - First conference. I'm a blithering idiot. Mom is looking at me like, "How the hell do you even get up in the morning much less teach my kid?"
5:05pm - I just met a Quaker. No lie.
5:12pm - I'm seeing a lot of parents with stern looks on their faces and even more hang-dog looks on kids. Always a good vibe.
5:30pm - What do you tell the parents of a kid that has a 98% in my class? Not that I'm complaining, but it's a pretty short conversation.
5:38pm - these pithy observations are making me thirsty. I need a break.
6:00pm - aaaaaand we're back! Lots of activity, but the TV teacher ain't gettin' none. That's fine. I need to get some grading done.
8:03pm - Here's a review: I've had 4 parents......total. I got all of my papers graded and I'm IMing someone from across the cafeteria. Ladies and gentlemen, your hard earned tax dollars at work!
Brent: Well, folks. Day 1 is in the history books. Dan, any observations?
Dan: Brent, the teachers will really need to pace themselves tomorrow. It's a whole different ballgame. The conferences run from 2-6pm, so they really have to keep themselves from getting bored. Watch for the veterans to be making some extended food runs in the snack area.
Keith: Whiskey won't find itself to the back door, Brent.
Brent: I think that sums it up for all of us. Until tomorrow, I'm Brent Musburger!