Wonka.
In true fashion, let's take a look at the types of kids that you always see at water parks, the zoo, the airport, Congress*, etc.:
Violet Beauregarde - She's the kid that races her friend on the lazy river and, when she gets to some sort of finish line, she taunts said friend and does everything but yell, "In yer face, ya puke!" Actually, that did happen (except for the "puke" part).
Veruca Salt - This is the kid that has everything and she thinks that the entire water park is her god-given domain. Every freakinline should part because she wants to slide down the slide now. (Editor's note - this has got to be the best picture I've seen in awhile. The girl I saw yesterday looked exactly like the girl from the movie!)
Mike Teavee - Apparently, the water park is his battle ground. This kid managed to hit me with a water canon 3 f***in' times! Until, however, an errant basketball caught Mike right between the eyes. Whoops, Mikey. Sorry about that. That last shot just got away from me. Aww.... you gonna squirt some, Mike? Huh? You wanna piece of this?
Augustus Gloop - 'nuff said here.
Oompa Loompas - These guys were actually the lifeguards. They didn't sit on lifeguard chairs, so they paced the park. They even paced like the Oompa Loompas. Swear to god. I was waiting for a kid to go under just so they could sing their song. It never happened, much to my dismay.
Just in case you forgot the song, here it is:
Of course, Charlie was Little RazZDoodle. Except she's a girl, but she could do no wrong and, since she got a scrape on her ankle maybe she, too, will own the water resort. Very very soon.
*I went political. How versatile am I?
10 comments:
I'm not a fan of kids outside "the circle" either. Most of them need a good smack in the face :P
Thanks for the post, very funny.
I deal with kids outside the circle everyday of my life....I know where you are coming from.
Great post. Just great.
Water parks are the Devil's Playground for kids. Brings out the worst in 'em. I also seem to attract the a-hole water cannon kid. Thanks for getting vengeance - for both of us.
I only like the quiet kids who smile shyly and don't bother me, which I think totals three worldwide.
Curious, am I the only one who got really freaked out during the boat scene in the Gene Wilder version of the movie? That man was freaky.
Solution: Detach Whack-a-Mole mallet from user interface. Readjust targeting computer. Bash unruly children in their face.
(The test your strength hammer also works, but I couldn't think of what that game was called.)
Thanks for the PSA. My two Mikes are headed to Fresno for the Island Water Park next month.
Does this mean I can smack them back?
hummmm, this is why I didn't have Progeny.
Water parks, the circus...all bring out the Devils spawn...
LOL....
HA!! Love the post! I don't have kids, but I can totally understand!
Phew...You have no idea how relieved & glad I am to hear that my husband isn't the only one who has rivalries with "other" children. ;)
It's good to hear that other people who have kids are still annoyed by kids in a general way -- because I don't know if that will ever change for me.
BTW, I just love the name Veruca Salt. It rolls of the tongue so nicely. Perhaps I will name my future not-yet-conceived child Veruca. No, I doubt my hubby will allow that. Maybe instead I'll name a future dog that.
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