*Note - For too long, I've tolerated numerous references to "the girls" and "monthly visitors" in many blogs. I've been quiet about it, but I really think it's time to "man up" the running blogosphere.
"Reverend, you've got balls as big as church bells."
-Dabney Coleman in Dragnet
I'm a freakin' stud. I mean, I am a man's man to the nth degree. I watch football, I drink beer, and I know who to call to get my oil changed. Yesterday, however, my manhood was questioned for, quite possibly the very last time in my existence.
During an open period, some of my students were working on their projects while I was lamenting about getting a morning run in the next day. I like to work my running schedule into general conversation, so I thought that it was a perfect time to do that and cement my already well-established tough guy image. So, I told them that I'd just have to run in the morning....temperatures be damned. I'm pretty sure words like "tough guy" "hero" and "best teacher of all time" came up.
"Well I'm upper-upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all"
-AC/DC
4:20am stared me in the face. I stared back. 4:20 blinked first. Why? Because even the clock knew it couldn't challenge my steely determination. Then, my thermometer greeted me with 11 degrees. "11? Pffft...that's still double digits!" I chortled. "I may actually have to put on a base layer."
After my usual morning routine - which includes throwing down some beef jerky, drinking 6 raw eggs and a pot of coffee - I headed outside.
"Mmmmmm"
-Jenna Jameson
Remember the scene from Empire Strikes Back when Han Solo slits open the Tan Tan to keep Luke warm? Well, me neither! Why? Because real men watch John Wayne and Dirty Harry movies. None of that sissy space crap! My wussy friends told me about the scene! Anyhow, it was that cold.
The air was crisp that day, my friends. A quick 5 miler was on the agenda. The grass was hard and crunchy due to the hard frost. Cars wouldn't start. Bacteria wasn't surviving. Alcohol froze. I was afraid that my Garmin wouldn't function, but due to my manly body heat, it ticked away like the man-gadget that it is.
After the run, I celebrated my victory by stretching outside, essentially telling Mother Nature that she is my beeeyatch!
I did this for the kids. The kids that challenged my tenacity, my resolution, and every other synonym for "manhood".
P.S. - I'm fairly confident I'm going to get fired for keyword searches of "dragnet" "balls" and "AC/DC".
*Alternate title - Letting It All Hang Out
14 comments:
Pfft! "The grass was hard" - I notice that nowhere do you say you were.
Some "man"!
More proof: Word verifaction: "rigaress" (whatever that means) - point is, if you were a man, it'd be "rigar".
Way to brave the elements, brother. If my clock-radio taunts me again, I'm calling you.
So are you saying this is Man PMS? Dude, that's weak. Grow a uterus and then you can talk about being hardcore.
;)
Did you just drop a "my friends" in this post? "You betcha" you did. wink wink
I'm happy to let Old Man Winter make me his beeyatch. I search for the safety and security of a tan tan carcass. Whatever that is.
ROFLMAO at Xenia!
Sorry homie but she's got you there.
Yay for Man Time. High five! I read this post while simultaneously changing the oil on my Man-mobile, watching football, drinking beer, and building an extension on my house to store my tools.
See, this is why I couldn't be a man OR a teacher but especially not both.
I would have used it as an opportunity to teach my students that TRUE MANLINESS is performing household chores, respecting women, and wearing the occasional pink shirt.
Come on, now that you've proven yourself, can't you at least do the pink shirt?
Nice post. It's about time someone manned up around here.
Also, Word verification: getici.
Pfft, I weigh a buck-25, and I ran in the same damn weather. Plus, I live in NW Omaha, so I'm claiming it a couple degrees COLDER up there.
Quoting Jenna Jameson & being ridiculously overinflated about running in the cold after challenging the alarm clock.
Congrats - you ARE a man.
Man PMS, oh Xenia that girl is whitty enough for losahs like me.
11 degrees thoush, I would give my uterus cause I would be all about a treadmill on a day like that.
Geez,
*though
*give you my uterus
I had to come back and correct myself. Even though I am sure you can spot about 12 more errors in my comments....The pressure between you and Jess rocking the English language.
Oh Razz, such bravado seems to indicate vagina-envy.
Ha! "I know who to call to get my oil changed." In my world, that used to be my bro-in-law...until last weekend, when I did it all by myself! Well, not exactly...
After the car was up on the hoist, I unscrewed the oil plug, and when the hot oil hit my hand I immediately dropped the plug into the drain oil drum. Oops.
Wow nice job getting out there in the insanely early and cold morning!
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