It's a Party in the USA - M2M Relay Report

This was a good idea in May.

Even for me, 4:45am came too early Saturday morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and headed downstairs. I noticed it was brighter than usual outside. I looked outside and there was snow. A LOT more snow than the "experts" had predicted.

Fannnnnntastic.

I'd have been to the team captain's house a lot sooner, but the snow stuck to the street signs and I was in a neighborhood where all the streets and houses look the same. Ugh. Nevertheless, I made it in good time and, then next thing I know, they're dropping me off at the starting line.

Due to the lousy weather conditions, a local restaurant opened up its doors to the runners. They even provided coffee, bananas, and apples to us. Thank you Upstream Brewing Company! (they deserve the plug) The restaurant manager looked at us like we were all insane, but he had a lot of fun with it. I even think he snapped a few pics.

"Look for the pink gorilla with the trombone."

Well, of course the starter is a pink gorilla with a trombone. Of course. Promptly at 6:45, the trombone sounded and we were off. I took my first .25 miles at a 6:30 pace. Yes, I'd like to order a big heaping plate of adrenaline please! I finally settled down and tackled the hills better than I anticipated. In fact, I was finishing about :30 under my expected pace. I get to the relay point and......

....and.......

.....no team member. Not one. They're all in the van. Runner #2 was going to jump out at the last second and take it from there.

Relay Lesson Learned #1 - Don't jump out at the last second and take it from there.

Here's another thing they don't tell you in the brochure: the van is really REALLY hot when the heater is cranked for the non-runners and you just finished. Holy hell.

At the beginning of Stage 3, I offered to navigate. I was reading directions to the next stage and, after about 2 minutes, it dawned on me that I was reading the directions for Stage 4. Fortunately, we located another mud-caked 18-passenger van and we followed that to the next relay point. Crisis averted.

I was not allowed to navigate again.

Relay Lesson Learned #2 - Stake your claim in the van. Do not give up your territory under any circumstances.

Once we got into a groove, all of our shit was strategically strewn about in our "area". I found a heater on my side of the van, so I put my shoes there.

An email from my wife:
WIFE: What's the van smell like?
ME: Like Cheezits, stale coffee, bananas and feet. Basically like the gorilla cage at the zoo. All we're missing is the tire swing.
WIFE: Ick.

Ick, indeed.

Relay Lesson Learned #4 - Find people that you can deal with for 13+ hours. My vanmates were a very fun bunch. We didn't take it too seriously, as was evident by our "baton" (zebra striped snap bracelet). We're serious runners, but we had great perspective on the whole day.

My stage came up quicker than a I thought (a mere 5 hours after my first one) and I got off to a decent pace. It was flat and fast. The only issue was the fact that I didn't reset my Garmin, so I was doing Marathon Math trying to figure out how much I had left to run. Again, an 8 minute mile pace. I'll take it, but I'm worried about my last stage. IT band problems, dead legs, a wonderful combo of the 2? Oh the suspense!

Relay Lesson Learned #6 - Eat. Eat more than you think you need to, but don't eat beef jerky and Laffy Taffy after a 5.5 mile tempo run.

I'm just sayin'.

We wind around the better part of Eastern/Southeastern Nebraska. I swear my team could have dumped me out and I could've been left for dead. The only thing next to my crow-picked carcass would have been my RoadID. Oh the irony.

Relay Lesson Learned #5 - Find a radio station that everyone can agree on.

So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin’ my head like yea
Movin my hips like yea
I got my hands up,
They’re playin my song
I know im gonna be ok
Yea, It's a party in the USA
Yea, It's a party in the USA

No matter how loud I played music on my iPod and no matter what type of music it was, I could NOT get that song out of my head. By our count, we heard that song along 10 times.

10. Effing. Times.

At this point, everything becomes a blur. Get out of the van, freeze, congratulate teammate, get back in the van. Here are some extraneous observations:

• Spotted: Big Al's Auto Body Repair and Video Rental. Uh yes. I need a new windshield and a DVD copy of "Big" please.
  
• Saw a chick light up after her last stage. Classic.
• We decided after everyone's last stage, we'd have a libation for them at their "finish line". Best Miller Lite ever. I detest those types of beers (even though some pictures would refute that), but that beer almost tasted as good as my Michelob Ultra after the PF changs marathon.

During the last 2 stages, we were all really really punchy or really really quiet. It wasn't until the finish line that we perked up.

And broke out the good booze.

Team Oh My God What Have I Gotten Myself Into finished with a time of 12 Hours 38 Minutes 1 Second

Would I do it again? Absolutely! I recommend it to all runners....as long as you follow my simple rules.

Oh yeah, there's one more thing....

Due to the weather, the post-race shindig was moved to the biggest bar in downtown Lincoln. As we head down there, it occurs to me that it's Saturday night, there are about 1000+ runners in there...it's gonna be packed.

And it was.

Now how the hell am I going to find XC2? Oh wait, she's by the band.

I wave.

I yell.

Her teammates are looking at me like I'm some sort of creeper. Now I think that I have the wrong chick. Turns out I didn't and she hunted me down like she's been known to do.

Legendary meeting?

We talked for a strong 20 seconds and then my teammates informed me that we were leaving to go eat somewhere else. I'll describe the meeting in my own true fashion.

• I was a yammering idiot. 3 tempo runs that start at 6:45am will do that to you.
  
• I hate MGD Light, but after 14 hours in a van, horse piss drained through a dirty sock would've tasted good. Fortunately, this bar had that in can form.
• She's a very cool person. Very cool.

Party in the USA everyone!