A Look Back...why the hell not.

Christmas is over.  I've carved out a path for my dear wife to get to work, the grocery store, to get my dry cleaning, etc.  My kids have destroyed the family room with their new acquisitions and are complaining about having nothing to do. Ah, the holidays.

I suppose that I should reflect on 2009.  It's either that, or put together my son's talking U.S.A. puzzle for the 1 billionth time.  Do you know what the capital of Florida is?  It's Tallahassee!  TALLAHASSEE!!!!!  I digress.

As I waxed nostalgic, I came to one underlying conclusion:  I'm a helluva writer.  I mean, I know I'm good when I make myself laugh.  Yeah, some of you may have free stuff thrown your way to "review" and have a lot of comments than I, but GODDAMN I'm funny!  On to 2009......

• January - Hey, you know what would be a great way to kick off '09?  Torture yourself both mentally and physically!  That's right, the PFCRNRAZ was my running Ahab, if you will.  I learned a lot about toughness, persistence, pain and sense of accomplishment.  Oh, and Ian had the pleasure of meeting me.  I just keep on givin'.  P.S. - My skin still burns from wearing the Jersey of Failure.
• February - Nothing
  
• March - Stopped doing Runners LoungeCast, quit blogging and then came back.  And that happened in, what, 3 days?  Other than that....nothing.
  
• April - Nothing, but it got warmer out.
• May - Zilch
• June - Ian, Nitmos, Amy and I came back with a vengeance with Banned on the Run.  That was cool.
• July - Less than nothing
• August - Thought about training for that relay I was going to do in October.  Other than that....nothing.
  
• September - PR'd while hungover.
• October - Big month! A Burrito Run and the  Market to Market Relay!  XC2 got to meet me.  Much like my encounter with Ian, VERY exciting for her.
• November - Ate turkey and watched my Beloved Huskers go undefeated for the month.
• December - Gave myself an early Christmas present:  the idea of training for the Lincoln Marathon.

 What?  You were hoping for some serious introspection?  Are you new here?  Happy 2010 to everyone!

Digging Out

How was my Christmas, you ask?  Oh, gather 'round kids.  Let me tell you:

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the h......

Nah, that's too cheesy.

The Razz's spent a wonderful Christmas in Des Moines!  Here are some of the most notable moments:

• My 2-year-old son running around their house naked 90% of the time.  Grandma, grandpa and Aunt Razz became accustomed to it rather well.....we think.
• A new tradition took hold on Christmas night.  2009 Razz Christmas Top Chef.  The contestants?  My wife, sister, daughter and myself.  I went with a surf and turf....Cap'n Crunch seared tuna and Beef Medallions.  My food was delicious (patting self on back), but my presentation sucked.  My wife won with taste AND presentation.  Until next year........
• In addition to Top Chef, we ate a lot of great food.  A LOT. And all of it was healthy.  Yep...sure was healthy.
  
• I got some cool running stuff.  A down payment on some shoes (next time, I'll indicated shoe size on the list), great headphones that I needed, and Once a Runner by John L. Parker.
• When you start off drinking Guinness in the afternoon....er....evening, do NOT go back to another beer.  Stick with Ireland's finest.
• Oh yeah, and we got 13 inches of snow back in Omaha.

Here's our house:

Here's the walkway to our front door:

Here's our driveway after I dug out:

Yeah, so it was "Welcome Home" for us yesterday.  We kept getting updates from friends and family about the storm while we were in Des Moines.  My main concern was whether we had power or not.   Miracously, we did and we had heat/no burst pipes when we arrived.  Not only that, but our neighbor plowed a path for us to get into our garage.  How nice was THAT?  Needless to say, I'm off to our local wine/liqour store for a gift card for them and to Walgreens for another big bottle of ibuprofen for me.

Over the State Line and Through the Woods....

...to G's house we go!  Just in case the weather folk here in the Midwest are correct in predicting (cue echo) "Snowmageddon 2009", we're opting to slide over to Iowa tomorrow.  Quite literally, from the sound of things.

It was nice knowing all of you.  Just know that I loved you all.  Well, maybe not all, but it's a lot more dramatic if I say that and you'll weep uncontrollably when you read about me being wrapped around a mile marker on I-80.

That being said, I just want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.  Yeah, that's right...I said "Christmas".  Not "Happy Holidays".  Not "enjoy the season".  CHRISTMAS.  Oh, and Happy Hanukkah if that's your thing.

Because it's CHRISTMAS, I'm going under for awhile.  Well, at least until I probably get really liquored up at 10am next Tuesday and "reflect" on 2009.  Just because I can.

That should be a good one.

*picture note - The kids flanking Santa are my kids, duh.  What you don't see is the big effing stuffed elk behind Mr. Kringle.  There was no line at Bass Pro Shops for Santa at 6pm on a Sunday night.  Don't judge.  Fortuitously enough, we did pick up a smokin' deal on a pink camouflage bayonet starter kit (swear to God).  I told KidDoodle 1 she could play with it in the car.

No Runnerz Allowed

"No skinny redheaded guys, that run marathons, are allowed in the contest.  Saw-wee, buh dems da roo-leeez." 

The preceding email came from a friend of mine last night when I asked him if I could join he and another friend in a friendly exercise contest.  

Not to make light of Ms. Rosa Parks, but folks....I've been sent to the back of the bus.  

Because I have run 1 marathon and because I weigh less than the aforementioned "friends", I'm not fit to participate in their little reindeer games*.  The stakes are high, too.  After a 4 week period, the loser has to offer a kids playdate at their house for the winner.  Folks, I need this playdate.  It's been too long since WifeDoodle and I have gone to a restaurant that use tablecloths and don't have balloons at the entrance.

I am all for anyone starting or maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  If any of my family, friends, and/or acquaintances want to start, I'm the first one in line cheering them on.  Now I'm excluded?  Does the fact that I run (in theory) 3 times per week intimidate them?  I can't imagine.  This is almost as disconcerting as being called an athlete.  Basically, between that episode and this one, I can only come to one conclusion:

I'm an effin' stud. 

Editor's Note - Since this draft, my friends have adopted a point system that makes it a lot more fair....for them. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.....

*seasonal, funny, and good looking!  How do I do it?

Dear Maxfli.....

Dear Maxfli,

Thank you so much for waking me up the past 4 weekday mornings at 3am.  Even though you're still amazed that I come home every evening, you still have the uncanny ability to know when I plan on a morning run or workout.  Not only that, but this morning you didn't even have to go outside to pee.  Instead, you woke me up with your incessant whining to let me know that I was sleeping SOUNDLY in your spot.  Let me tell you something Max, when I rescued you from the animal shelter 8 years ago, this was not what I had in mind.  You've been a great dog, but this has to stop.

P.S. - I'll be sending you my Starbucks bill for the past 4 mornings.  I took the liberty of ordering caffe americanos....double shot no less.  I think it's the least you could do for me.

P.P.S. - I'll be sure to return the favor, too.  I'll interrupt you when you're licking the spot where your nuts used to be.

Sincerely,

Your Master

Coming Out...

Let me just take it down a notch, folks.  I haven't been completely honest with any of you and it's just killing me.  There are a couple of things that I have to get off of my chest:

1. I've been banging Vegas waitresses like a dozen Nike golf balls.  Wait.....wrong topic.

Let's start over.....

1. I'm starting to get used to the treadmill.  Note that I didn't say I LIKE running on the treadmill.  I don't.  I like the treadmill because it has been very convenient as of late.  Lately, the morning has brought unholy low temps and I'm not about to freeze out the boys just so I can get a run in.  That, and it's really convenient to sneak in 3 or 4 miles while KidDoodle2 takes a nap and I'm the only one at home.  I mean, I could probably let him sleep, hit the streets for a quick 4 miler, but I don't need CPS knocking on my door.  That, and I don't look good in orange nor do I shuffle well in leg shackles and paper slippers.  Don't get me wrong, I love running outdoors, it's just that I don't detest the Rubber Band of Doom like I used to.
   
2. This one is harder for me to admit:  I like Twitter.  I don't post much.  Nobody's really reading my stuff (much like here).   I do, however, enjoy breaking news updates, columnists' insight in-between columns and some funny comments.  I still think that Twitter is the lazy way of writing, but it is a decent time suck once you follow some interesting people/organizations.  Not that you asked, but here's how I've used Twitter in the past week:
1. I wasn't near a TV for the Heisman Awards and obviously I had a rooting interest this year.  Note - Let's just change the description of the Heisman to "Best QB, Receiver, or Running Back of the Year award", shall we? (see:  Suh, Steve Entman, Orlando Pace, and Hugh Green)  How did I find out about it?  Twitter.
2. School was closed for 3 days.  How did I find out about closings and weather reports without even having to get up off my ass and go to my computer?  Twitter.
   

And, because I'm such a giver, I'm going to put a link in the right-hand column for my Twitter feed.

There...I feel better.

The Slide Begins....

A glimpse into my morning:

4:45am - Hit snooze button
4:52am - Turn off alarm and go downstairs
5:00am - Sit in my basement blankly staring at the TV with my iPod on and my shoes in front of me.
5:02am - Decide that it's too damn cold and too damn early to run on my rickety-ass treadmill.
5:03am - Tell myself that I'm going to run after school on a less rickety-ass treadmill.
5:05am - Crawl back into my bed.
5:30am - Restart my day

Oh yeah, pre-marathon training is going well.

Someone or something better kick me in the ass soon or this is going to get worse.  Much worse.  I know the pattern.  I've lived the pattern.  Up next:  getting rid of those pesky Oreo truffles that are cluttering up my fridge.  Mmmmmm......Oreo truffles.

Blinking Cursor of Doom

I know you've all missed me.  I can tell by your writing.  I'm here, just chillin' out....JUST LIKE THE WEATHER!  Like the pun?

If you can't tell, I'm suffering from RazZDoodle, or, for those relatively new to ROATM....Writer's Block.  Unlike some people, I feel like I have an obligation to my loyal readers.  That, and I'm waiting for Apple, Mizuno, and Under Armour to email me to review their WONDERFUL PRODUCTS!  Can't do that if I don't have fresh content.

Here were some possible posts but just didn't come to fruition:

• The Big XII Championship game - If they don't kick the damn ball out of bounds on the kickoff and....AND...commit a mind-bogglingly stupid horse-collar penalty in the closing minutes, the Huskers go to Phoenix.  Simple as that.  Forget the :01 controversy.
  
• Tiger Woods Post- Too easy.  I could spin off of Ian's "Guess Who's Running?" series with a "Guess Who Tiger's Screwiing?" series.  Porn stars, Eldrick?  Really?
  
• My Running Post- If there's something to write about me running twice a week, I'd do it.
• The Weather Post - It's cold and snowy.  I live in the Midwest and it's December.  Nothing too novel there. I am considering putting screws in an old pair shoes to run in the snow.  There's potential for a twisted ankle and/or puncture wounds. Now THERE'S some material!
  
• Christmas List Post - Unless you're genuinely going shopping for me, do you really care?  That's what I thought.

So that's it.  Much like the previous blockage, I hope to write through it or weep uncontrollably in the corner of my room.