I'm a Blogger, Not a Writer/SSTIFY

I blog.

I don't write.  There's a distinction there.

I won't bore you with the whole process, but the turnaround from concept to your computer is rarely over 4 or 5 hours for me.  I look things over, tighten a few things up, teach a few classes, get distracted by something shiny, and then hit "PUBLISH POST".

Essentially, dear readers, you're reading a glorified rough draft.  Sorry about that.

A few of us, however, are writers.  They throw in coherent thought, edit numerous times, use big words correctly and use something called "proper grammar".  One of these writers is Kristina over at Marathon Mama.

As you know, I normally like to trumpet my own successes here at ROATM, but I'll throw her a bone because she is on page 48 of the latest issue of Runner's World*!  I haven't read it just yet due to the fact that I need to drop a check in the mail to renew, but I guarantee you I'm off to Whole Foods this weekend to stand by the cash register and read her article.  If it's anything like her blog, she has hit one out of the park....again.

Not only that, but she was a guest on the (fledgling?  defunct?  sporadic?) Banned on the Run.  You're welcome for that, Kristina.

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This week's SSTIFYs should be pretty obvious. Well, obvious to those that read ROATM. If you're new here, you have a lot of catching up to do.  Thanks to these two for the lyrics.  'preciate that.





Have a great weekend everyone.  With any luck, yours truly will be running outside this weekend.

*It took great self-restraint to write the following:  "She was young.  She needed the work"  "She did it so she could put herself through college."  and "I wonder if I have to rotate the magazine 90 degrees like I do with my other magazines?" 

In Remembrance

I never thought I'd say this, but having a broken treadmill sucks.  I suppose I should've known this day was coming.  I mean, we bought the thing for $50 off of some friends of ours.  The brand?  Uhhhh....something like "i-fit.com" is all I could see.  Yeah, it was quality.

Anywho, my wife, my daughter and I were downstairs this past weekend.  My daughter was engrossed in Hotel for Dogs on my laptop (parenting WIN), my wife was whipping around on her Segway on Wii Fit Plus and I settled in for a 6 mile run.  Could I have gone outside on Saturday and done this?  Absolutely, I could have!  But, my superior parenting/husbandry skills being what they are, I opted to work out and set an example to Little Miss Hotel for Dogs and Segway Woman and show them what a healthy lifestyle looks like.

I sailed along for the first three miles.  Things were going well.  Hell, even my iPod shuffle was shuffling well.  Then, I started to hear a clicking noise.  The noise got to be so loud I had to stop my shuffle halfway through Afternoon Delight.....er.......Welcome to the Jungle.  My wife and daughter looked over at me and gave me the same look my dog does when he hears sirens.  Apparently, something was awry.  It couldn't have been my form.  That's pretty well-documented with words such as "perfect" and "Adonis-like".  What the hell could it be? I quickly hopped onto the rails and the clicking proceeded to get worse....and worse.....and WORSE.

That's what I get for relying on a $50 treadmill from i-fit.com whose website, not surprisingly is defunct with a capital "d".

My point?  I really relied on my treadmill.  Hell, I even may be so bold as to say I needed my treadmill.  Was it a good treadmill?  No.  Did it have all of the cool bells and whistles?  No, but I do miss it's high tech qualities circa 1998.  The simulated oval with its red triangles telling me where I was on the track (pause) in my mind.  The LCD display that didn't light up.  The extra narrow belt.  The noise that would rattle the window.  *sniff*.

Nevertheless, I must move forward.  Get it?  That's ironic because a treadmill has you stay in one...forget it.  Here are my options:

• Get it fixed - i-fit.com didn't mention any local technicians that could do repairs BECAUSE THERE'S NO MORE (EXPLETIVE) I-FIT.COM ANYMORE!
• Replace it. - I'm cheap.  I can't justify spending upwards of 4 figures for something I'll use for 3 months.  4 months tops.
• Join a gym - Again, I'm cheap.  That being said, the prospect of treadmills as far as the eye can see AND opportunities to do some sort of cross-training is mildly appealing.  
• Use the fitness center here at school  - It's free, but if I do that, I have to potentially work out with my students.  
• Run outside - Yeah, but this week, morning lows are in the single digits.....with wind.
• Forget about running until late-March and survive solely on Thin Mints and coffee - Ding!  We have a weiner!  (see how I did that?  It should read "winner", but it's...forget it.)

I'll have to figure something out.  For the sake of my sanity and my health.  More importantly, for the sake of my family's sanity and health.  Come to think of it, it's me being a devoted family man that got me into this mess.  See?  No good can come of things like that.

I Am Awesome x 10

I dig Xenia.  I really do.  Especially when she forces me to do something that I love to do:

Talk about me.

Apparently, I am to write about 10 Great Things About Myself.  Or is it 10 Things That Makes Me Happy?  Either way, here goes:

1. My family.  If I were clever, I'd rank them and fill out this Top 10. I have a feeling that their rankings would change weekly....much like an AP Top 25 poll
2. My kids' laughter. - There is no other sound on earth that makes me happier.
3. My job.  Yeah, I bitch about it a lot, but when the light bulb come on for those kids....who am I kidding? I do it for summers off and snow days. 
4. Starbucks - Venti bold coffee, please. 
5. Ice Cream - Vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and Skippy chunky peanut butter, please.
6. Husker Game Day - good friends, the smell of multiple grills, the Sea of Red, the Tunnel Walk, etc.  It only gets better if it's a rivalry game.
7. Morning runs in the fall - Cool, not chilly and the leaves have changed colors.  
8. First tee time of the day - there's dew still on the ground, there's no one in front to hold us up and the course hasn't taken its daily beating yet.
9. Sunday morning paper and my first cup of coffee. - It's quiet.  Everyone is still asleep.  It's a great way to start the day.
10. Race Day - There's a great energy to it, especially before the race. 

So...there you go.  I wanted to do a SSTIFY entry this week but the following song didn't technically get  stuck in my head.  I got some iTunes gift cards for Christmas and I got the following song.  Personally, the acoustic version is much better than the original.  Curiously, it's a great song that always finds a spot towards the top of my iTunes playlist. Who knew Colin Hay had some talent?

Running....the "After Dark" version

Ever since I perfected a point-to-point run last weekend, I've been shaking things up this week.  I mean, I'm going crazy.  Monday was nothing.  Why?  Because Monday is Monday and it's always been my day off.  Even when I only run once the previous week and I tell myself, "I'm getting back on track this week."....it always starts on Tuesday.

That being said, I was set to actually go outside for a second straight run on Tuesday morning.  Long story short (novel concept, I know), I wasn't able to.  Normally, I would just chalk this Tuesday up as a "fail" and start on Wednesday.  But remember, call me "butter" cuz I'm on a freakin' roll.  Somehow, I got the motivation to do some cross-training that morning.  Not bad, Razz.  You're awesome.

I neglected to mention that I was Mr. Mom yesterday....for the whole day.  Well, at least school/daycare drop-off and after school "we need dinner, Daddy!" sort of stuff.  After throwing Wendy's down their throats and watching yet another excruciating double episode of Barney, it was off to bed with the kids.  Maybe a touch early for my wife's tastes, but you know what?  I'm in charge tonight, woman!

At this point in the story, I'd love to say that, on a whim, I decided to throw caution to the wind and spontaneously decide to run on the treadmill at night.  A would-be first for yours truly.  Alas, that was not the case.  I had thrown that idea out there earlier in the day because, for the first time in a very long time, I felt bad that I didn't get a run in.  So that's always a good thing.

With my Wendy's 1/2 pound burger + fries + Diet Coke subsiding (a.k.a. - 5000 calories of goodness), I ventured onto the Motorized Rubber Band of Doom.  3 mile tempo run....after 8pm.  Not bad. Not only that, but for the run I broke out a new pair of Injinji socks.

Settle down ladies, these feet are spoken for.

Unsolicited Review - Remember when you were a kid and you stuffed your socks in between your toes? No?  I was the only one who did that?  Fine.  Well, that's what it felt like.  I imagine this is what a Muppet would feel like, too.  Comfortable, though once you got used to it.

Dare I say that running after dark (cue Cinemax music) may be my second alternative to my morning runs?  Dare I say it?  A resounding "Hell Yeah!" after this week of craziness!  Maybe later I'll eat an apple without washing it off first.  Oooooooohhhhh!

P.S. - Awkward Family Photos.  Absolutely hilarious!!

Weekend Odds and Ends

Haven't done a Odds and Ends post in awhile, so here goes:

• This weekend's run came rather unexpectedly.  I had to go to the tire store for what I thought would be an alignment/tire rotation.  Turned out I needed 2 new front tires.  Not a big shock, but it was going to take longer than the anticipated 20-30 minutes. I realized that I had my gym bag in the back of the Family Truckster, so I put on a long sleeve t-shirt under my running jacket, broke out the headphones and ran home.  A respectable 5 miler and, more surprisingly, most of the trails were plowed.  Or, at least there was an attempt to plow them.  Yeah, Omaha!  I realized that I forgot to tell my wife about my intentions, so she and the kids were a little surprised to see me at our doorstep. 
• Has it been a year?  The PFCRNRAZ marathon was this weekend and I waxed a little nostalgic.  Then I realized that, this year, I was watching football and drinking beer and not putting myself through hell.  Ahhh, memories.  Nice job to this guy on his performance yesterday.
• Bad news on the Lincoln Marathon front.  It ain't gonna happen.  I can't even drop down to the half as I've been known to do.  Schedule conflict.  Bummer dude.  I'm so desperate for a race, I may even run a half in Council Bluffs (a.k.a. - Council-tucky).  Now I have to find another marathon...probably for the fall.
  
• Ricky Gervais is my hero.  He just killed it last night.  The Mel Gibson joke?  Awesome. 
• I was really excited to cash in my prize from Jamoosh.  My socks came Friday and I was oddly excited. 

OK, I'm posting about socks.  I'm done for now.  

Please Help

I've had a shitty week.  In fact, I even went so far as to email one of my friends about it.  I even had a post written up about it and everything.  Then, as I watch the horror in Haiti, my stuff is incredibly insignificant.

I can't even fathom the living hell that the people of Haiti are going through right now.  None of us can.  My thoughts and prayers go out to those poor souls as well as to the thousands of men and women that are trying desperately to save them.  There are a lot of ways that we can all help.

Perspective is everything, huh?

Hope everyone has a good weekend.  Good luck to those running the PFCRNRAZ  Marathon/Half Marathon!

When I Sit Around the Couch....

I like to think of myself as a decent husband.  I arrive promptly at the dinner table at 5:30pm with a fork in one hand and a knife in the other.  I notify my betrothed when the kids need to be bathed.  And, on her birthday, I'll even give her the remote from 6:45pm - 6:50pm.  My love knows no boundaries.

This "love", however, has been tested in the past few weeks because I've noticed that my beloved has shrunk all of my pants.  All. Of. Them.  Like I said, I do everything to help her and my generosity is exceptional in the laundric arts.  I will occasionally take things out of my pockets.  I will wad my clothes up in a ball so as not to take up space.  Hell, most days, I will even put them in this thing called a "laundry basket".  That being said, her miscues in this area of servitude are becoming unexcusable.  It must end.

On a totally and completely u-n-r-e-l-a-t-e-d note, I decided to step on the scales.  I did so because my online running logs (I have narrowed it down to 2) keep asking me to enter my weight.  "Hmm...haven't stepped on the scale in awhile.  Maybe I should check it out.  What the hell?"

What the hell indeed.

There was a noticeable chuckle from outside the bathroom that followed my audible "WTF????".  After jumping off the scale with a resounding thud, it became very clear to me that I'm going to have to add another goal for two-oh-one-oh:

Get a new scale. (rim shot!)

I've been doing a ton (pun intended) of research on this.  A Google search for "running + weight loss" gives me a scant 29 million hits.  Here's what I've determined from reading all 29,00,000 links:

• Burgers and fries are bad
• Vegetables are good
• Running is good
• Watching A-Team reruns on the couch for 2 days straight in your jammie pants and Hawkeye Snuggie are bad
• Valerie Bertinelli is good
• Kirstie Alley is bad.

Throughout countless minutes of research, I've decided to go with the Neanderthal Diet.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my loin cloth and sabertooth tiger pelt on and watch the pounds melt away.

You've GOT to be Kidding Me!

The following post is not for the faint of heart.  If you're even remotely religious, are offended by bad language, or are accustomed to the high-brow writing here at ROATM, then turn away.  Now.

I'm not one to complain much.  Oh, I'm sure you may find a quibble hither and yond in the archives, but by and large, I'm not one to bitch....especially about the weather.  I mean, I'm fully aware of the conditions that my zip code brings.  The temperatures in Nebraska range from 100+ in the summer to sub-zero here in the winter.  We get snow.  We hunker down when the sirens warn us of severe weather.  In other words, we get it.  Not only that, but we usually wear it like a badge of honor.  We clean up/dig out and move on with our lives.

But......

This is fucking ridiculous.  Yep, that's right.  We're breaking out the f-bombs, kids.  Some facts:

• Omaha has received 32 inches of snow in the last 4 weeks.  The city's average for the year is 31 inches.
• Omaha's high temperature for the past 10 days has averaged to be 7 degrees.  7.  Seven.  

Put those together and what do you have?  A lot of fucking snow that won't go anywhere.  No big deal, right?  Just wait for the plows, put on the YakTrax, maybe throw in a treadmill run for one day and then  head outside for a run the next day, right?  In theory, yes.  I have no problem running around, over, and through snow.  It's the temperatures that are just brutal.  

In fact, here's the ROATM 3-Day Outlook:  Today - high of 4, but getting colder.  Friday - High of -4.  That's not a typo and it's not Celsius.  Negative fucking 4 degrees is the warmest it is going to be tomorrow.  Saturday - a balmy high of 0 with a low of -25 degrees.

I've been on a treadmill for the past 2 weeks and it doesn't look as though that's going to change anytime soon.  Oh, and my training starts next week.  Awesome!

Stay warm, kids.  

Cross Training and Snuggies

So I left you all hanging with my Year in Review and I just know all of you have been pining for my return.  Well, kids, settle in, put on a Snuggie and plop your ass on the couch. Or, you can read this on your respective smartphone/laptop while tending to "intestinal business".  Not that I would know anything about either.  I digress:

One of my goals for 2010, and for my next marathon for that matter, is to incorporate more cross-training.  And when I mean "incorporate more", I really mean "do some".

Before break started, I was talking to one of my students whose mom is a Pilates instructor at a local gym.  Long story short, student's mom was nice enough to get me started on Pilates.  She gave me some DVDs to "study" and I set up an appointment at her gym over my break so that she could make sure I was doing a lot of the exercises correctly and not dislocating/popping anything near and dear to me.

I twisted.  I crunched.  I stretched.  I was put on something called "The Reformer". Essentially, I got the living crap beaten out of me.  But it was a "good" Living Crap Beaten Out of Me. When I finished, I thought, "Hell this ain't so bad."  It wasn't until the next morning where 1 of 2 possible things happened:

1. I was feeling the effects of an hours worth of Pilates
2. My wife woke up in the middle of the night and clubbed my stomach and ribcage with a blunt object for about an hour.  

Here's the thing, though:  I'm going to keep doing it.  It's either that, or I try biking (too cold/icy), swimming (no pool readily available), or lifting weigh-BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Note - Yeah, I have a Snuggie.  Want to fight about it?  Don't judge until you've worn one.  To "man" mine up, I got the Hawkeye Snuggie.