All Figured Out

I've run 1 marathon, 2 half marathons, and a one-mile burrito run.  Obviously, that makes me more than qualified to come up with my own training plan for my upcoming half in May.

As I mentioned previously, high school golf is in full swing (ha!  get it?  swing?  like a golf club!) right now and that means one of three things:

1. I have no "bail out" option of running after school anymore.
2. I'm putting a lot more miles on my legs.
3. My short game stills sucks.

I'm convinced that #2 is the source of my IT band issues that I've had.  Previously, I'd get in 20 or so miles of running per week and then walk a minimum of 10 miles per week with golf clubs on a generally hilly course (yes, Omaha has hills.  Look it up.)  So, if I'm going to PR....which I'd really like to do...I had to come up with a strategy.  So, without further adieu, I give you the "This Should Work Training Plan."

Monday - Rest

Tuesday - 4-5 mile tempo run

Wednesday - Yoga, pilates, or some sort of stretching for 1/2 hour

Thursday - 4-5 mile tempo run 

Friday - Stretching thing again

Saturday - Long run

Sunday - Say that I'm going to stretch, but really sleep in.

Here's how flexible my plan is:  I can switch Saturday and Sunday around.

That's how I'm going to roll.  This should work, right?  RIGHT??

SSTIFY-Surprise Talent

I....er....my wife watches American Idol.  On Tuesday (8pm/7pm Central on Fox), while I was lifting weights, reading Guns n' Ammo, drinking beer and doing other manly things, one of the contestants sang this classic Janis Joplin song.  Simon noted that her version was just as good as Pink's.  Naturally, I was curious to listen to Pink's version.  Honestly, I've always been pretty apathetic towards her.  That is, until I heard her version of Me and Bobby McGee.  I have to admit, she's got some talent.  Judge for yourself:


Have a great weekend everyone!

Faithfully Yours

Oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhhh

I'm forever yours

Faithfully*

It's that time of year again.  It was 65 last Thursday and 30 and snowing on Friday.  That can only mean one thing for me:  the start of high school golf, of course.  As I've watched 25+ potential members of our school's team brave the wacky Nebraska elements, I have become, shall we say, contemplative:

I've been faithful to the game of Golf for the past 33 years.  Golf's been good to me and I'd like to think that I've been good to Golf.  In fact, Golf has been a part of my identity for most of my life.  When people who haven't seen me in awhile ask how I'm doing, the question of "How's your golf game?" always comes up.  Never have I been asked, "So, have you gotten your average pace down lately?".

When I was a little Razz, I played practically every day of the summer and at least 36 holes.  I was completely addicted.  This isn't to say I was very good, but I loved the game.  To this day, I still love the game and, contrary to popular belief, it's still my favorite sport.  I won't go into the argument whether golf is a sport or not.  It is.  Just leave it at that.

Now that I'm older and have 2 small, adorable Razzes, my time for golf has greatly diminished.  Save for  high school golf in the spring, I don't get out and play 18 all that often.

When I took up Running a few years ago, I thought this would be a great way to get in shape, get out of the house and get some fresh air.  Aside from the health benefits, Running is easier to fit into my day.  I just lace 'em up and get my miles in.  No driving to a course, no shelling out $25+ to play, no waiting for the idiots ahead of me to find their golf ball, etc.  Never did I think that I would have the passion for Running like I do for Golf.  And, much like my abilities in golf, I'm not that good, but I still love it.

I'm much more adept at being able to explain the advantages of a knock-down wedge than I am about VO2 Max and lactate threshold.  On the flip side, there's nothing better than the sustained rush of running a 4 mile tempo run.  I love the sense of accomplishment of a PR, but I still appreciate striping a 4 iron from 200 yards out and sticking it 4 feet from the pin.

Have I ever won or am I ever going to win a tournament?  No.  Am I ever going to win a race?  No.  What I do have, though, is a passion and a healthy amount of respect for both.  Golf is still #1, but I would consider Running to be a very close #1b.

* Deep, philosophical lyrics from Steve Perry and the boys, no?

That's Our Final Offer

We're in the process of buying a new car and I've come to one conclusion:


My marathon was much easier than this and LOT less painful.  


Before I go off, let me just say that my wife is a kick-ass negotiator.  It's nice to see the "you're bullsh**ting me and I know it" look and not have it be directed at me.


Here's just a glimpse of the past weekend:


Friday - Hyundai -   We scarf down some dinner, drop the kids off at the in-laws, and head across the river to Iowa.  It's roughly a 30 minute drive and, with dropping off the KidDoodles, it makes it about an hour.  The salesgirl is exceptionally nice.  I say "salesgirl" and not "saleswoman" because she was sunburned.  When I asked why she was sunburned, she said she went tanning because her boyfriend's prom is 2 weeks away. That's tight, yo!

After the first haggle, we tell her that we just want her best offer.  No more dicking around.  We have kids, they're probably tired, we want to go home.  Sales Manager - whom we've sinced named "King D-Bag" - comes in, says rather dramatically, "I'm sorry.  We're still training her, what can I do for you?"  Uh, you can point me to the nearest decontamination room.  We haggle with him, he says  "that's my best offer", we walk out.  Within 5 minutes of leaving the lot, we have a voicemail at our house saying that he magically found another car on the lot and he can make a better offer.  So, in a 5 minute span, he went outside in the snow, dusted off a couple more cars, found the one we're looking for, crunched the numbers, and left us a 2 minute voicemail (I timed it).  

The next day, the salesgirl calls us and tells us to call her back.  I call her back, tell her that we're not packing up the kids and driving 40 minutes out of our way to get jerked around.  She says fine, calls back with yet another final offer and I tell her I'll think about it.  No more than an hour after that, she calls my wife and tells her that this car probably won't be there by Monday.  They may have to ship it to another dealer because they have a bite on it.  Really?  She is just starting out if you think that shit will work on us.

Saturday - Hyundai/Subaru - Nice guy.  Nice sales manager AND we know the SM's wife.  She and WifeDoodle used to work together.  They SAY they found the model car that we want at another dealership, but by the time I finally got there, the car wasn't available.  At first, I thought "bait and switch", but I don't think that was the case.  I genuinely thought they had it, but they were at the mercy of some OTHER douchebag.

Saturday - Honda - WifeDoodle and I had to go separately due to a lack of babysitter.  She went down there and the sales manager used the line, "Imagine I'm your dad."  Um...no.  I went down there and, of course, a different sales guy had me test drive the top-of-the-line CRV because the one that my wife drove 2 hours ago was now WAYYYYY in the back and it would be tough to get it out.  Great.  I didn't realize that on their spare time, they move cars around like a Rubik's Cube.  After a minimal amount of haggling and a lot of condescending lies, I walked out.  I honestly thought about stealing his iPhone, though.

Sunday - Hyundai #2 - Wife goes down to see if our sales guy is there.  He's not, but she asks if she can get the negotiations moving by appraising our Civic.  The guy there says "not unless you buy a car from us today."  Buh bye.

Sunday - Hyundai/Subaru - On a whim, WifeDoodle goes back to the Hyundai dealership; this time to check out their Subarus.  They happen to be open and our sales guy offers to let her test drive one.  She loved it.  Absolutely loved it.  Now, I have to get my sorry ass over there to give it a spin.  But I'm not going to go today.  We don't want to seem to be too eager.  

After all of this, I just wanted a shower and, like 10 beers.....each.

Honestly, I'd rather do my own dental work with rusty pliers than go through this again.

Race Results.....Legit

OK, I won't screw with ya this time.  Wow...some of you guys got downright cranky about yesterday's post. Here are the actual race results from the inaugural (and quite possibly the only) "Global Warming, My Ass! 6.66 Mile Race (comma included)".  A few things that you'll probably skip over to the race results but still need to be said:

1) I want to thank everyone for participating.  Never in a gagillion years did I think we'd get over 60+ runners.  I was thinking about half that.....tops.  

2) I read all of your blog posts.  I did.  I didn't comment on all of them, but I did read them.  The bonus part of that is that I have a lot more blogs that I can follow!  The drawback is that I have a lot more blogs to follow.  Looks like the kids will have to learn themselves.

3) I'm 99% sure that I got all of the information correct.  I'm in TV, so accuracy hasn't really ever been Priority 1.  If there's a discrepancy and you want to email me to complain about your standing in a virtual race, go ahead.

3) Thanks to the gift contributors.  XC2, Ian, Jamoosh, Adam, and Xenia.  Big thanks to all of them!  Huge.  Without them, you'd be getting nothing. Bupkus.  Jack Squat. Nada.

And now onto the results.  Congrats to TC on being the overall champion! I'm always glad to give a gift to a Husker fan!  Suck it Buffs fans!  Another agonizing loss to a Husker.  It must get old for you.  Oh wait, they haven't doled out the gifts yet.  

Also congrats to Kitzzy for bringing up the rear.  And, the 2 random winners courtesy of random.org are.....Ian and Jamie!  So, per the rules, TC, RunnuRMark, ESEthan, Pam F., Ace, Kitzzy, Ian and Jamie all win prizes!  Take your awards with pride, people!  The winners will receive any one of these fabulous prizes!

• Autographed race shirts!
• Autographed Gu/"nutrition pack"!
• Autographed running book!
• Autographed bottles of 5 Hour Energy!
• Autographed stuff from Europe!

Hey, I said they were prizes.  Not brand-spankin' new prizes.  BUT THEY'RE AUTOGRAPHED!!!!!

TOP 3 TC Husker - 42:26

RunnuRMark-46:12

ESEthan-47:16 MIDDLE 21

Jill-47:57

Reid-50:46

Adam Culp-52:04

Georgia Snail-53:41

Jen G.-55:30

Jamie-57:03

Gene-57:32

Mike Antonucci-57:54

MCM Mama-58:19

Julie-59:07

Ian-59:12

Razz-59:32

Jamoosh-59:40

Barefoot Angie B-1:00:00

Viper-1:00:33

XC2-1:01:35

Jeri-1:05:29

Jen H.-1:07:29

Neil Z-1:09:49

Turi-1:12:15

Adam-1:13:50

BOTTOM FINISHERS (but tops in our hears) Pam F.-1:15:12

Ace-1:20:00

Kitzzy-1:28:00 THE OTHERS.... Barefoot Josh BrianFlash Jess (Run Girl Run) Joel Michael Eckert Psyche Rio Running Through Phoenix Snow Leopard Xenia Jason

Would the winners please email me at runningoffatthemind@gmail.com so that I can get your mailing address?  Congrats to them and thanks again to everyone for running!

*******************************************************************

And, because I like to pay it forward, Xenia pulled  her version of a SSTIFY (heh) on her blog today and now I have THIS song in my head.  And now, it'll be in yours:

Race Results.....

...will be posted tomorrow.  See how I did that?  You probably thought that they were in THIS post.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fools.

Roll Call!

As of 11:35am (CST), here's the race reports I have in my handy spreadsheet.  Look at me!  I'm organized! For this, I'm organized.  For work, life, etc., I'm about as organized as Corey Haim with the flu*.  If you're NOT on this list, there's a better than average chance that:

A) I missed the email
B) You didn't email me

If I completely missed it, I apologize and I need you to email me ASAP (runningoffatthemind@gmail.com).  If you completely missed it, you completely missed it.  Sometimes, you gotta swing the hammer.

Adam (Boring)
Adam Culp
Barefoot Angie B
Barefoot Josh
BrianFlash
ESEthan
Gene
Georgia Snail
Ian
Jamie
Jamoosh
Jen G.
Jen H.
Jeri
Jess (Run Girl Run)
Jill
Julie
Kitzzy
Lawn Monkey
MCM Mama
Michael Eckert
Mike Antonucci
Pam F.
Psyche
Reid
Razz
Rio
Running Through Phoenix
RunnuRMark
Snow Leopard
TC Husker
Turi
Viper
XC2
Xenia

*too soon?

Why I Hate Runners

Actually, this post should be titled "Why I Hate Runners When They're Running and I'm Not."  Whoops. Was the title of this post a little misleading?  See how I pulled the old bait and switch, there?  It's called a "teaser" in the TV biz.  Anywho......

Family Razz woke up Saturday morning with somewhat of a sense of urgency.  The Littlest Razz needed to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Razz needed to color her 10th gagillionth card to her Best Friend in the World, whomever it is this week, and Wife Raz and I needed to shop for a new car.  Why did we need to shop for a new car?  I shan't give you my reasons because we're still in negotiations and I'm confident that my vast readership reaches out to car salesmen/women in the greater Omaha metropolitan area.

Let me back up a second.  I intended to run the GW,MA!6.66R on Sunday, but I didn't rule out a Saturday morning run.  Saturday would've been better what with the whole Daylight Savings/Everyone Lose an Hour of Sleep and Bitch About it for the Next Week thing.  That being said, rather than get my run in on Saturday, I opted to go get breakfast for the fam.

Along the way, I saw about 6 runners.  And it wasn't a long trip.  It's like each runner was flaunting the act. Like, "Hey fattie!  While you go get some bagels and cream cheese (bacon scallion for yours truly, please!) for your family, I'm banging out a tempo run.  Loser." 

Then, THEN while we start our Car Shopping Extravaganza*, I see a woman running.  And, when we take Car #1 out for a test run, she runs right past Car #1.  While she passed me, she gave me that self-righteous "hey fattie!" look.  When we took Car #2 out (different dealership), she was still running, this time on the way back.  It had to be her long run.  As we were coming up on her, Slick Rick Salesman from the back seat says, "Hey, I haven't run like that since we were down to the last donut at the shop!"  Douche.

So, in the span of one day, I encountered 7 runners all of them practically screaming that they were better people than I was....you know, internally.  So what if I had and asiago bagel with bacon scallion cream cheese?  So what if I had the Best Burger in the Entire World (w/fries) Saturday afternoon?  DON'T JUDGE ME!

Of course, my run was on Sunday.  If I took creative license here, I'd say that I returned the favor for all of those indignant runners while they were on their way to the bagel store.  I'd say that my form and my seemingly effortless gait sent runners cursing my name while in their cars/houses.  Alas, most of my long run is on a trail and the finish is uphill for the last half-mile or so.  When I do get to the one intersection that I have to deal with, I usually look like grim death.

For the record, the "Razzes Shop for a New Car" would've been a better post, but whatever.  That's what you get for offering Posting On Demand.

My Own Race Report?

So remember when the race report can't suck?  Yeah, about that......

I ran the Devil's Number race yesterday less than 12 hours after going to church.  You'd think that would help, but no.  I would love to give excuses like sickness, post-recovery run, altitude, pregnant, etc., but I don't roll like that.  I'm just out of shape....for now.

6.66 miles - 59:32

And so endeth the race report.  I'm the race director.....WHADDYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?????

Here's what's potentially in the hopper for this week at ROATM:

• The Razzes go car shopping.
• Why I Hate Other Runners
• Race Results 
• St. Patty's Day....."Amateur Hour"

You choose.

Your Kid is Great! No He's Not.

I did this a couple of years ago.  More for my benefit to stave off boredom.  Ladies and gentlemen, a running diary of the 2010 Parent Teacher conferences!

• 4 hours tonight, 4 hours tomorrow of "Hey your kids doing great in class" or "Well, I think (student's name) is a great kid, but I think needs to focus more on the day-to-day things."
• Don't discount the fact that this is the spring semester.  Translation:  no one really gives a s**t.
• I gave serious consideration to eating a jalapeno burger with pepper jack cheese and onion strings before conferences.  And then not having an altoid/piece of gum.  That would speed up the proceedings.
• Lots of kids here that are normally, um...behavorially unacceptable.... around school now look pretty contrite.  They know the hammer is coming.
• My table is located in the cafeteria.  Lots of sound bouncing around the room.  Imagine Caesar's Palace, but with a linoleum floor and no drinks.
• We're all assigned our own table.  I'm sitting next to a teacher that doesn't think much of me....at all.  Hates me, in fact.  
• Snacks in the teacher's lounge!  Unfortunately "snacks" isn't code for "booze".
• Is it depressing when mom tries to dress like daughter or is it intriguing?  Depressing?  Intriguing?
• Nobody wants to be the last teacher out of these things.  Don't be "that parent", readers.  We don't want to be "that teacher".
• I'm flashing back a couple of years ago when our wireless went out minutes before P/T conferences.  It was chaos.  Kinda like this classic SNL skit.
• OK, I've read everything there is about the 2010 Red Sox and Cornhuskers....and we're only an hour into the proceedings.  I have to pace myself.  It's a marathon not a sprint.  See what I did there?  I incorporated running into this post!
• I love it when parents interrupt me.  Love. It.  Apple....tree.
• Parent starts yelling at kid about why they're failing my class.  Lots of yelling on both sides.  I'm a spectator at this point.  That's not awkward at all.
• The teacher next to me is cranking out the same opening joke for every parent.  That got old around 10 minutes into conferences. 

That's about it for Day 1.  A lot of parents milling about, but not many parents coming to see me.  And so it goes.  Wish me luck for later today.  Hopefully, I'll have more material for a Part 2.

Like a Phoenix Rising....

Um...

So, yeah....

It's like this.....

If you've noticed, I really haven't posted anything about my running lately.  In fact, it's been a few weeks since I've posted anything about it.  That isn't to say I haven't been running.  If you consider once a twice a week running, then hell yeah!  I've been running!

It's gotten pretty sad, folks.  I feel shame (can I make a Toyota executive joke here?).  There are a couple different routes I could go:

1. Feel sorry for myself and finish off our 8 (!) boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
2. Get my ass back on the road, come home and finish off our 8 (!) boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

This is where I'm supposed to tell you that, because of our gorgeous weather this past weekend (all things being relative), I laced them up, banged out a long run, maybe threw in an extra run for good measure and I'm back on track.  

Um...

So, yeah....

Not so much.  I had the opportunity both days, but just didn't do it.  And, as if to taunt me, there were about 8 runners between Panera and our house Sunday morning.  Kind of taunting me, if you will.  Whatever....I still enjoyed my sausage, egg, and cheese on an asiago bagel, thankyouverymuch.

We were in Des Moines this weekend, and, as we ventured back home, I scolded myself, I reflected and I managed to miss our exit....twice.  Nevertheless, I came up with some conclusions:

1. I'm lazy
2. We had a hellacious winter in terms of running outdoors
3. Our treadmill passing on to the depths did not help the situation
4. Just telling myself that "this is the week!" won't do it.
5. I have to sign up for a race

And that's what I did.  I just finished signing up for the Council Bluffs Half Marathon.  Is it a marathon? No (hence the title of the race).   Is it going to be a race with lots of beautiful scenery?  No.  Can I drop down to a 10K run/walk?  Absolutely!

This morning, I woke up with a renewed energy.  I got in a good, up-tempo 3.5 mile run and feel pretty good about myself.  Of course, it's supposed to rain the rest of the week and I'll only have time for morning runs, but it's a start

P.S. - I've gotten a few race reports in and they're banked.  Right now, my comments on their blogs are inspiring/funny/insightful.  I can't wait to see how my attitude is on the later ones.  Good luck!

We're On a Quest

Yeah, the following is probably not for the whole office to hear:

So, yeah...60+ entries.  Wow.  That would mean I'm going to read 60+ blog posts and include 60+ links. 

We're on a quest for fun!

A few observations:

• This is kind of a who's who of our little underground, isn't it?
• Some surprising omissions.  Especially Asian Porn Guy...or Gal.  Very disappointing Asian Porn Person.
• There are a whole ton of blogs I never even knew existed.  Man, the Internets is big!

This will be exciting.  Do you hear me?  It'll be EXCITING!

And, to kick this thing off, I don't think any race is complete unless you have music.  Bet your ass headphones are allowed!  This race director doesn't care if you get smacked by a Buick.  More prizes for me, I say.

So, here are some SSTIFYs (Song STuck In my head FridaY for new visitors) for the GWMA6.66R:

Good luck everyone!  Have fun!

Quick Reminder

I'm as busy as a one-legged nun on a rocking chair that's sweating in church today.

Or something like that.

Don't forget to sign up today by 11:59pm CST to enter the race!  Details on my previous post.

Thanks to all that linked to ROATM for details.  I didn't know my comment counter went this high.

Virtual Race!

I'm going to get right into this post.  I'll save the "Razz knocking on death's door with the flu" post for later.  No one seemed too concerned of my whereabouts in the blogosphere, so whatever.

Don't worry.....I'm fine now.

In my...*sigh*....fleeting moments of lucidity, however, I've managed to concoct a Virtual Race.  I've seen too much damn snow and too many single digit temperatures or temps starting with a "1".  We've all bitched about it, but now we need to do something about it.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I invite you all to the inaugural:

"Global Warming, My Ass!* 6.66 Mile Run"

WHAT:  It's a 6.66 mile virtual race.  I thought that was pretty clear in the title.  Xenia picked the distance.  She thought it was appropriate.
WHO:  Anyone who has a blog.  I would've included an "Even Ian!" joke here, but he's been en fuego! over at Half Fast lately.
WHEN:  Any time between March 5, 2010 and March 14th, 2010.  9 days, people....that includes 2 weekends.  It hurts to be this generous.
WHERE:  I don't care.  Treadmill, trail, track, Alter G/Michael Jackson sleep tank contraption.  Get it done.
WHY:  BECAUSE I'M SICK OF THIS GODDAMNED WEATHER AND I LIKE YOU PEOPLE!!!!
HOW:  Here are the rules:

• Meet the aforementioned Intro to Journalism-style 5 W's and H criteria.
• Leave a comment on this post saying "I'm in".  
• Don't post aforementioned "I'm in" in upcoming and/or previous side-splitting, heartstring-tugging posts 
• Don't make a pithy comment about my superior writing style and assume I think you're registered.  I'm not a mind-reader, people.  Deadline for entry is March 4, 2010, 11:59pm CST.
• You have to complete 6.66 miles.  Unlike most races, I don't care how you get it done.  Just Get. It. Done.  For example, if you think you can win with 3 2.22 mile tempo runs, go for it.  BUT, for every race that you do, I expect a race report for each one.  Hell, you could even do a relay although I'm only doling out 1 prize for the "team."  We're going by the honor system, folks.  If you're cheating to win a virtual race, well....I mean.....that's kinda respectable in a scumbag kind of way.
• About the race report(s).  Make it good.  If it sucks, you're out of contention.  By "sucks", I mean:  "Dear Readers:  I ran 6.66 miles on Saturday with a time of 53:25.  See you next time." I'm being completely subjective about it.  Deal.
• When you've finished your report (deadline 11:59pm CST March 16th, 2010), shoot me an email (runningoffatthemind@gmail.com) with your blog post link.  For race results, I'll link to it and might.....MIGHT....even say something clever about you.

PRIZES:  Oh...there are prizes.  Autographed prizes.  

WHO WINS:  Top 3 Overall, Bottom 3 Overall, 2 or 4 additional runners (depending on the generosity of contributors) will be randomly selected via random.org.   No age brackets.  No gender brackets.

Who's with me?  Oh, by the way......"I'm in."**

*Ian noted that the comma was essential in the race title.  I wholeheartedly agree.
**Except for the random.org part.  I'll keep myself out of the running.  Get it?  Running?  Ha!