Adventure at a SuperStore

So Amy writes about nothing and Ian writes about an armband.  Time for me to throw my hat in the ring:

I am the proud new owner of an iPod Nano.  I briefly resurrected my Shuffle for my long run, but afterwards it passed away.  After a brief goodbye ceremony, it was clear to me that the Shuffle would've wanted me to move on, so off to a Certain SuperStore I went!  Let's just call said store Red Bullseye to keep it anonymous.  

I took the kids to said Red Bullseye and I told the young lady who was busy picking her nails via paper clip in the Electronics kiosk that I'd like to see one of the iPod Nanos.

Nika (names have NOT been changed to protect the idiotic):  "Why do you need to see it?  It's on display right there.", she says as she points to the lucite box while still holding her paper clip.

Me:  "Well, Nika...because I'd like to buy one of them.  Sorry I wasn't clear."

Nika:  "Move...you're blocking the case."

Me:  "Oh, really?  I didn't know you needed the entire swath of the case to open it."

Nika: (grunt)

Me (realizing Nika is pissed):  "Kids, what color should I get?"

Anna:  "Pink!"

Charlie:  "Blooo!"

Me:  "I don't know....hmmm....what about a Shuffle? What are those like?  Does it shuffle during a song? Are these made by Apple?  Do these light up?"

Anna: "Daddy!  I have a Shuffle!  You should get a pink one, too!"

Nika:  (looking really pissed off because she's realized that she made a wrong career decision somewhere along the line)

Me:  "I don't know......hmmmm.....let's just go to Wal Mart, kids."

I took off and went to another SuperStore 2 miles away and bought it there.  Oh, I bought a case for it, too.  You can read a review over at Half Fast.  I bought it before his review, but after a long layoff, Ian still gets shit for free.  Apparently, he feels the need to take his iPhone with him on runs.  Yeah....he's one of those guys.

Who is Gene Soboleski? A Race Report

Jamoosh's Virtual Half-Marathon.  

That's all that consumed me the past few weeks.  All of my training went towards this race.  Work?  Blew it off at least twice a week for interval training in the morning and a tempo run in the evening.  My daughter's soccer games?  Can't, sweetie.  I have to get some cross training in.  It all boiled down to yesterday's race....


Of course, I immediately looked to drop down to an adjoining 5K race, but to no avail*.  I had to do this.  After my pre-race meal of Grape Nuts, sausage, half a block of cheese and a Fat Tire, I put on my 100% cotton tighty whiteys, t-shirt and short shorts**.  I then sauntered out of my room at the Ritz Carlton Omaha. 


Before I enter the "racers only" zone, I broke out my brand spankin' new Starter Aero-Vex Athletic Sneakers.  Yeah, they're $4 more than the Starter Weston's, but I could really feel the difference in the Aero-Vex as I tested them out...even though they were bound together by a curiously strong plastic tie.  Curse you, Sam Walton!


I find the front of the starting line because that's how I roll.  Seeing as though my Omaha nemesis is currently knocked up....and she even knows who the father is....I was free and clear for a Top 5 finish.  The gun went off and I took off like a shot. Much like my PR last September, it looked as though the remnants of the previous night's bender would have no effect on me today.    I was flying.  Even Team Nebraska was having a hard time keeping up with me.  Shouts of, "Who the f**k is that?" echoed throughout the streets of downtown Omaha.  From behind me, of course.


At Mile 6, my students were there with my requested spicy pulled beef burrito with extra black beans from Qdoba.  Gotta add fuel to the fire.  A couple hundred yards after that, my son tossed me a Dr. Pepper.  I was on my way to victory!


At Mile 8, though, I felt that familiar tightness on the side of my knee.  Mr. IT Band was making yet another appearance.  I was determined to not let that slow me down.  I ran through it.  I pushed through the pain.  I imagine this is what giving birth is like except it was probably a lot more painful....and without Demoral.  I looked pain and death in the eye and said, "F**k you pain and death.  I have a virtual race to win!"


At Mile 10, I had reached another level of consciousness.  I wasn't aware of the pain and it felt as though I was floating.  I was, however, completely aware of my competi....oh wait, I had none.  Seems to be that the ensuing gas from the burrito left my competitors in a thick, moist brown fog.   


The finish was more of a formality, really.  Immediately after crossing the finish line, I was embraced by the 2 Hooters waitresses I had met on last night's bender.  Seems I may have mentioned that I was a world class athlete.  Turns out, I was.


And I didn't even go to Hooters that night.


*thought I'd get that joke out of the way first
**soak it in, ladies.  Soak. It. In.  Sexy has a name.  It's called "Razz".

A Moment of Silence

I feel like this guy right now...

I've gone round and round with my iPod Shuffle.  After 3 nights determining what a "-124 error code" is, I've  determined that my 2nd Generation shuffle's hard drive has passed on.

Dec. 24, 2007-April 14, 2010

We had some good times.  Good times.  My only regret is that I never got to say goodbye. I think a proper ceremony is in order.  I retired his headphones years ago, but now it's time to put him back in his clear, plastic box and shove him in the back of the junk drawer right next to the velcro key pouch and 1996 Farmer's Almanac.

Like many runners, I've become quite dependent on my iPod.  It's either listen to U2 or realize that I sound like an asthmatic yak* when I run. So, being the devoted Mac geek that I am, that leaves me with this:

The third generation iPod Shuffle.

 "Hey, that's great!  It's even smaller!", you may exclaim. But the controls (volume, skip forward, etc.) are on the headphone wires.  Two problems:

1. Apple is assuming I'm deft enough to catch the wire, adjust the volume, skip to the next song and not trip over myself while I'm running.  Apple assumes wrong.
2. The headphones suck.  Always have and, unless your ears are exactly the shape of Steve Jobs, they always will.  Besides, I just got a great pair of headphones this Christmas that I'm NOT going to give up.  *Note - Adam just reviewed these cool things to keep those horrible little white buggers in your ears.

So....it's this Trident Gum-looking thing or I may actually have to go out on a run and think or something.  Unless, you guys have a better idea.

I'll miss you 2nd Generation iPod Shuffle.  We'll always have Phoenix.

*Best analogy I could come up with this early.

THAT parent

SPRING BREAK! was a lot of fun.  I was busy...no doubt about that, but I did manage to do some parenting.  I learned a lot of things:

• Kids do not get tired of mac and cheese 3 days straight. 
• Neither does dad, for that matter.
• Disney Channel On Demand is one of the greatest inventions of all time.  
• Monkeys are always funny.
• Watching an elephant take a dump is an awe-inspiring event.

If you hadn't guessed from the last 2 bullets, I took KidDoodle 2 to the zoo on Friday.  You know, some father/son bonding.  He's now at the age where he refuses to be picked up and carried.  Has to walk everywhere.  I figured, "hey, the zoo is pretty impenetrable, I'll just turn him loose.  He's entertained, the animals are entertained, he gets some exercise...win win win!"

Kid2 was hell-bent on seeing the elephants first.  At our zoo - which is hands-down one of the best zoos in the world (no lie) -  the elephants are in the wayyyyyyyy back of the complex.  He passed by the giraffes, antelopes, ostriches, zoo workers, all to get to his favorite animal.  Or, at least his favorite animal on this particular day.  Just before you get to the elephants, though, there's a ginormous hill.  

"Let's go daddy!" and he was off.  He was attacking the hill like a champ.  And, when he got up to the top and waited for his dad to join him, we got to see Babar eliminate breakfast...or yesterday's lunch...or whatever the digestion pattern would suggest of an elephant.  It was a sight and I'm pretty sure Kid2 appreciated what was transpiring.

"Holy moly, daddy."  Yes, son...holy moly indeed.

After that, we moseyed throughout the zoo for another 45 minutes and, to get back to the main entrance, you have to go up an even bigger hill.  Kid2 didn't even blink.  He tackled the "mountain" as he called it seemingly without effort.  Dad, winded because of an early-morning tempo run, was significantly behind his son.  It wasn't until the top of the hill that Kid2 wanted to be picked up and hauled off to the car.  Of course he did.  

Fast forward 24 hours to a playdate that was arranged between KidDoodle 1 and her friend.  Playdate?  That's what we're calling them?  How about, "having a friend over to play"?  Is that so difficult?  I digress.

The kids wanted to go down to our neighborhood park and, because I'm such a great dad, I loaded them up in the Radio Flyer wagon and headed out.  The route was mostly downhill and I knew that the road back would be brutal.  That's when my parental instincts yet again kicked in.

"Hey, how about you two girls race home?  You can run the block, but always stop at the intersection.  Winner gets to pick out their favorite ice cream."  Genius!

So, they took off on the first interval and my daughter got blown away by her speed demon friend.  Each interval, however, her friend slowed down ever so slightly.  It wasn't until the last 2 blocks where Kid1 pulled away for the win.  

So it's obvious that my kids are going to be runners and it's obvious I'm going to be that parent.  I'll sign them up this summer for track lessons.  And, if there aren't an abundance of track clubs, I'll hire a track coach.  I just want the best for my kids.  Then, as their skills become ever-so-honed, I'll go to their meets with multiple stopwatches in hand just to make sure their times are getting better and their PR's are well-documented.  I may have them run in high school unless their club meets are more competitive.  No sense having them run with the riff and the raff.  I just want the best for my kids.  Then, we're off to Division I.  Oregon will be a natural fit.  And, providing their level of excellence continues, I....er...my kids will look towards Buenos Aires in 2020.  I think the world will be ready for a 16 year old and a 14 year old to shock the world by then.  Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Hey, I just want the best for my kids.

SPRING BREAK!!!!

I know what you're all thinking.  "Wow, Razz is pretty lucky (and sexy).  He's probably partying it up and wearing someone's ass as a hat."

Not quite.

Truthfully, my week is filled with golf practice and "Hey, since you have this week off, can you (insert task here)?"  I'm not complaining.  I'm not.  I've been teaching for almost 10 years now and I still manage to have some perspective.  I don't bitch about a week off and I certainly don't whine about having my summers off.  Never have I said, "My summer was just too short."  Really?  It was?  Ten weeks off wasn't enough for you?  But I digress.

Yesterday was a typical day.  I dropped off KidDoodle 1 at a birthday party and then proceeded to knock off some things off my list.  I had a decent window left before I had to pick my daughter up and I kinda sorta wanted to get some intervals in.  I prepared for this in advance by wearing my running gear.

Instead, I opted for something different.....Wendy's.

That crimson-headed siren called me toward her delicious fries and average burgers.  It was the lunch rush, so there were all types of people in the "dining room" (love that term).  I can guarantee you, though, that I was the only one decked out in Adidas track pants, Mizuno Wave Riders and a PFCRNRAZ marathon shirt.  Not only that, but I was the only one with said gear AND rocking a Baconator, fries and a Dr. Pepper.  Not only THAT, but I had a great view of a middle school track from the "dining room".

I gun down my Baconator Combo Meal (size small, of course) and NOW I have some more time to kill. So, after spying on the car dealership to see if our new 2010 was in yet (it wasn't and THAT's a whole different story), I opted to attempt some 800 intervals.  This, my friends, is where my Qdoba Burrito experience came in handy!

Ironically, I attempted this feat at my junior high track...the scene of my greatest junior high athletic prowess.  While most of my friends were sprinters and jumpers, I was a distance guy.  That is, of course, if you consider the 800 as a distance.  As a gangly 13 year old, I did.  Long story short:  chicks dig the sprinters and jumpers.  So that pretty much sums up my dating experiences in the late 80's/early 90's.  I digress again.

The intervals, although brief, went without incident:  3x800s with 3x400 recoveries and 0 barfage.  Ironic, since it's SPRING BREAK!!!!!!

Editor's Note - After the intervals, I had to pick up KidDoodle 1 from the party.  Fortunately for all of the other moms, all I had to do is open the door and have her (KidDoodle) jump in.  No need to explain myself to the other moms as to why I smell like bacon, mayo and sweat.