Shortest Race Report Ever

It was hot.
It was humid.
One guy got heat stroke.
I walked 3 times.
I didn't PR.
2:08:07

They're Light

I detest going to the mall.  I'd rather get general admission tickets to a WNBA game.  I'd rather go to a Celene Dion concert sober.  I'd rather...well, you get the idea.

Last night, though, I found myself there with the family.  KidDoodle1 was getting new glasses and KidDoodle2 was being, shall we say, active throughout the process.  In order to keep him distracted, I took him across the way over to a National Athletic Shoe Store (hint: think a LINE at the end of the race that has a tape across it and it's something you have to go across in order to FINISH).

Anywho, I was kind of in a Nika sort of mood, so when the salesman came up to me, I decided to have some fun:

SALESMAN:  Hey man.  What's up?  Can I help you find anything?
*I could tell this guy was smooth all the way.  The best part?  He smelled like he just got off of his smoke break.
ME:  Yeah, I'm thinking of taking up running.  (looking at the 4 pairs of Asics displayed) Are these all the running shoes you have?
SM:  No
ME:  Ok.
(awkward pause)
SM:  We have some Nikes, too.
ME:  Really?  How are these better than the Asics?
SM:  They're lighter.
ME:  Does that make a big difference?
SM:  Yeah.  I have a pair of these Nike Free For Alls.
*Bullshit, Joe Camel.
ME:  Wow.  They're light.
SM:  Yeah, they're pretty awesome.
(another awkward pause)
ME:  (noticing a pair of Mizuno Wave Rider 12s - aka -my shoe):  What about these?  Mizunos?  I thought they made golf clubs.
SM:  They're more of a baseball company.  This is the only shoe from Mizuno we have.  I think that's all they make.
*note - KidDoodle 2 is running rampant throughout the store.  At this point, I don't care.
ME:  My doctor says I'm an overpronator or something like that (lie).  Would these Mizunos help me with that? (they won't)
SM:  (looking furtively at my kid who is now plowing through the Spongebob Sketcher shoes).  Yeah.
ME:  Really?  That' so awesome!
SM:  Want to try a pair on?
ME:  No....just looking.

And we took off across the mall.

Moral of the Story:  Visit your Local Running Store.  They know what the hell they're talking about.

Bowlful of Goodness

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is why I run.  It's called "The Volcano" and it's heaven in a bowl.

• Bowl filled 2/3 with vanilla ice cream
• Add crushed oreos
• Add more vanilla ice cream in cylindrical fashion, thus leaving a reservoir.
• Fill said reservoir with hot fudge
• Fork over a mere pittance....$1.25.  

The Volcano is why I was put on this earth:

Before....OK, maybe a small nibble

During....mmmm hot fudge and I'm almost to the Oreos.

After...even burping up hot fudge and Oreos is yummy.

My 12 miler tomorrow should burn most of this off.  Most of it.

Getting Old Doesn't Suck...and other observations.

So I may have missed a long run a couple of weekends ago and I may have only been able to get one run in during the week last week.  Maybe.  My only saving grace is that I've been walking golf courses for 5 days straight for the past 6 weeks and not many of them are flat.  That's what I was clinging to as I went out on my 11 miler this past weekend.  You know what?  It was awesome!  I debated going 12, but decided to head back.  At the end of the run, I did some calculations and, well, let's just say I might have a date with Destiny in a few weeks*.  At the very least, I'm looking up her Facebook status.

My conclusion?  Extra miles are unnecessary when you're old.  You young whipper snappers can go ahead and run 25+ miles per week.  I'll just get my long runs in, drink a bottle of Ensure, sit on the porch and tell kids to get off of my lawn.

Other random observations:

• The aforementioned long run was the maiden voyage for my Non Nika Nano (possible name).  I slipped it into the armband and off I went.  11 miles later, there was condensation like no other inside the case.  Not good.  Belkin = Bad.  
• UNSOLICITED REVIEW:  After wayyyy too much research on armbands, I settled on the iSkin DuoBand.  Big fan.  It's in 2 pieces.  You put the iPod in a silicone sleeve and then put that onto the clip.  Long review short:  it's comfortable, it doesn't get condensation in the sleeve, and you can remove the ipod while you're running if you need to find your Banned on the Run** playlist.  Highly recommend!
• Sat next to 3 older guys at Starbucks this past Sunday who prattled on about their cycling.  Good thing we're not like that.  Whew!
• The young ladies a couple of tables over asked the cyclists how many miles they did this morning.  They told them 10 and the ladies said, "You're my hero!"  Are you fucking kidding me?  I can coast 10 miles.
• Cross training = running back to the clubhouse from the furthest point on the golf course with clubs strapped to your back during a lightning storm.
• My beloved Lincoln Marathon/Half Marathon had a new finish line this year.....at the 50 yard line in Memorial Stadium.  Next year when I run it, I'll be able to see the 2010 BIG XII CHAMPIONS banner.

*Destiny is not a stripper, although how cool would that be?

**ah, memories.