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Monday, January 23, 2012

Subscribe to This?

January is a busy month in the Razz household. More specifically, this is where we hit up family and friends for money. You know, for the kids. Two things seem to eat our soul this month:
  1. Girl Scout Cookie sales
  2. Magazine sales
First off, Girl Scout cookies are the easiest damn thing to sell. You don't sell them, per se. You essentially fulfill the role of pseudo-drug dealer in the scenario. I've never set foot in that underworld so all of the following assumptions that I make are solely based upon watching numerous episodes of Law and Order: Ah Screw It, We've Run Out of Police Departments. 

The following are just some of the statements made by my daughter's clientelle:
  • "Oh, I already have a girl that I buy from."
  • "Oh, thank God your daughter is selling them this year. I need 10 boxes of thin mints. Now."
  • "Please don't forget me next year when she's selling them again. Please, please, PLEASE don't forget me!"
  • "Are you still selling them? ARE YOU STILL SELLING THEM?"
The best part is is that Girl Scouts USA changed their sales strategy. Rather than wait 6 weeks for your cookies, we now have them on hand. Read that last sentence again. Needless to say, our friends, family and co-workers are sufficiently tweaked.

And, after our clients are in a Thin Mint haze, we hit them up for magazine orders. All proceeds go to our daughter's school, so your order of Guns 'n Ammo is for the children.

This year, I find myself at a crossroads: do I re-up for another year of Runners World or not? I can't remember the last time I got anything beneficial out of the magazine. The way I see it, I can count on 3 articles:
  • Run Your First 5K...Fast!
  • 3 Core Exercises That Will Make You Run Fast!
  • What to Do About Injuries...Fast!
I think my favorite article was about recovering from a 20 mile run and the author suggested, among other things:
  1. Take an ice bath
  2. Take the rest of the day off. You deserve it!
There is no way in hell that I'm going do #1 and I can only imagine how #2 would go at my house:

ME: Hey honey? I know it's Saturday and we have a crapload of things to do because we put it off during the week, but I'm going to take the day off. 
BELOVED WIFE: That's fine, honey. You deserve it. Can I make you anything whilst you watch TV?
ME: Could I have the remote and the last sleeve of thin mints?
BW: Oh absolutely

3 comments:

Xenia said...

Another year for me without a GS cookie fix. England doesn't know how to make their children into little money-makers. No wonder the empire crumbled.

Jess said...

That's why I forfeited my subscription about 3 years ago.

My favorite line from a friend of mine a few years ago: "I just did a line of thin mints!"

Xenia said...

Razz, I'm tagging you.

That's all.