SSTIFY

Remember SSTIFYs? Song Stuck In my head FridaYs? Me neither. This is has been in my head yesterday and today. Well, the Kidz Bop version has. God forbid my kids hear any type of explicit lyrics. Have a great weekend everyone. I'm preparing myself for Kid 2's birthday party.

Like This Run

"Raz. You. Are. A. Badass."

"You have run 1 point zero miles. Time? 8 minutes 15 seconds. Average pace: 8 minutes 13 seconds. Current pace: 11 minutes and 13 seconds. Pick it up, you slack ass."

Thank you Runkeeper Chick. Thank you. Thank you for getting me back out on the road. Funny enough, it was her stilted, slightly east coast accent that has gotten me on the road for most of my runs. Why?

Because gadgets are cool.

I suppose getting back on the road because of an app is pretty stupid. Well, we know who we're dealing with, right?

Not only that, but my friends on Facebook and Twitter are getting out there as well. Oh, John went 6.68 miles per CardioTrainer this morning. Well, then. Let me just "like" his status and then I'll get my ass out there and go 6.69 (giggle).

The running purist in me should be saying "You should be running for the love of the sport. The thrill of getting out on the road, pushing your body to the limits, blah blah blah blah." I just want people to be impressed by the fact that I did a tempo run....at 6am...in the summer. I might as well just put "badass" into my Facebook/Twitter profile.

Like THAT, punk.

The question I ask (besides "could you get any better looking?" Answer: no) is "how much is too much?" Should I post every time I run? I don't know. Maybe I'll just post the long runs. No one really cares about a 3 mile tempo run.

I know what most people are thinking, "Just let me enjoy some coffee, a 10-15 30-45 minute timesuck and, if the mood strikes, I'll like your run, OK?" That's fine. I'm OK with that.

Am I shameless? Hell yeah. There are some positives, though. I'd like to think that I use my social media for good, too. This past fall, I noticed that a lot of high school journalism teachers tweeted about their running. Long story short, I got the ball rolling on a social running group with the hashtag, #runningondeadline. Get it? Running? Deadline? Might have to put "funny as hell" on my profile too.


*most of this post was written as I'm coming off of some dental work. I doubt it has any effect on my writing. It's still the same incoherent s**t that you're used to. I think the gas and the novacaine are wearing off now. And my tongue feels like a piece of tenderized meat. Not good.

Aisle Three

"Irv, I wasn't even in aisle three!" - Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

Now that school's out, I've been Mr. Mom. And, rather than start a parenting blog and maybe breathing some new life into this blog, I've decided to start a new segment. We'll call it Aisle Three. Everyone OK with that? Judging from the lack of comments, I'm sure you're all content with my writing because it's just that good. Here goes:

My kids are awesome.

At least that’s what I’ve been told.

To be fair, they are good kids. I love them with all my heart, unconditionally, etc. etc.

Sometimes, though, I may I may love them even a little more when they’re in separate corners.

Let me give you an example: When I can, I like to pick up my daughter from school.

Once in awhile, her teacher will tell me,  “(child’s name) is doing great in school. She is such a joy and a blessing.”

It takes every fiber of my being to stifle outright laughter at the “blessing” comment, but whatever.

So when she’s throwing a Hall of Fame hissyfit at home, she’s a” blessing”? Is that the word we’re going to use for that?

After The Blessing is buckled up, I go and pick up my 4 year old.

“Oh, he was just perfect today. Just perfect.”, she says.

Again, more stifling.

Yeah, he’s “perfect” when he’s at church and he has put his head in his lunchbox and zipped it up because he’s so angry with me. Just perfect.

While I’m chatting with the sitter, I let Blessing and Perfect go and get into the car. I like to call my car “The Octagon” because this is where most of the fighting happens. I’m convinced that, after lunch, both of my kids work on a fight plan for the Octagon after school. Whether I arrive at the car 5 seconds or 5 minutes after they get in, someone is crying. If it’s an especially lively day, both of them are crying. Essentially, what they’re saying to each other is: It’s on.

Like I said, I love my kids. I just have to realize that they’re usually better kids when one of them is at their grandparents’ or at their friend’s house on a play date. When that happens, it’s a win-win for my wife and I. They’re a Blessing and/or Perfect there and the other is the same at our house. Seriously.

If one of them is away, whether it’s across the street or in another state, the other one is a cherub.

ME: Could you pick up your toys in the family room?

BLESSED: Sure. After that, can you get the vacuum out, daddy?

ME: Uh, sure.

BLESSED: After that, can you get out the ladder so I can clean out the gutters?

ME: Absolutely!

OK, that last part wasn’t true. The ladder was buried in the garage and I didn’t want to get it out.

But, really…how does this happen? I know they love each other. I’ve seen it and it’s documented in pictures and on video. Granted I don’t have a lot of documentation, but I do have some.

Oddly enough, my wife and I are still waiting for the perfect storm when both of them have sleepovers on the same night. I don’t know what my wife and I will do if/when that ever happens. Maybe I’ll work on getting the blood and pulled hair out of the back seat.

Running Well With Others

I've never run well with others. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule but, by and large, I run solo.

So that explains why I may have helped start a running group.

It started innocently enough. I was chatting with a teacher/friend from Kid 1's school who is also the school's track coach.

ME: Hey Kid 1's teacher who is also the school's track coach, I need some motivation to run.
Kid 1's Teacher (name redacted): Me too.
Me: We should start some sort of running club.
Kid 1's Teacher: Yeah, we should.

And that was that. Another parent picked up the ball and, the next thing you know, I'm in a running group.

Normally, that would be the end of that story, but - like I said - I don't usually run well with others. So now what?

I went to the first meeting of the club and I was a concerned with 2 things:

1. I'm going to be the only dude.
2. I'm going to be a LOT faster than the rest of them.

So, yeah...I was kind of an asshole going into this. Shocker.

First off, I wasn't the only guy. In fact, there were 2 other guys there. One I've seen at a couple other races and he's a good :15/mile faster than I was. The other was a guy that usually does tri's, but wanted to run with us. Oh, and he's lost 150+ lbs. in the past 5 years. 

For our inaugural run, we all stuck together and, for the most part, we were only about 1:00/mile slower than usual but it really didn't matter. Better yet, we were all pretty serious about our running. Whether it was marathon training or 5K training, it didn't really seem to matter. It was a good run.

After our first run, we modified some things a bit. First off, we decided to start and end at the neighborhood pool. Duh. Secondly, adult beverages were needed after our run. Duh x 2. 

Post 4 miler. Pre-adult beverages.

Am I going to run with a group/buddy for all of my runs? No. I still like to go solo for most of them, but groups are different and different is good.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the running community is the best group of people out there. Turns out, I wasn't one of them before I joined this running group.